You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January, 2009.
Not Easily Broken-
There’s always going to be fakes,
And there’s always going to be haters,
But I never expected you,
To become the ultimate taitor,
You knew my darkest secrets,
And vowed never to reveal,
The moment I became a threat,
My life became unreal.
I was the object of all the jokes,
Because everyone knew my flaws,
You did it to get closer to him,
And you decided to break all of the laws.
What laws you ask that you broke,
The laws of being a friend,
The person who you confide in?
The one on who you depend?
I hate you with a passion,
And there are lots of words unspoken,
But in case you didn’t know,
I’m just not that easily broken.
You Lied
Can you believe I thought you were the one,
I say i don’t care, but the pain has just begun,
You kicked me in the stomach, and left me in the dirt,
And the sad part is only I feel the hurt.
How could you embarass me, when you said that you care
And now I’m forced to walk around, this smile I must wear
They told me you would hurt me, I liked you anyways
And now there’s this piercing pain, forever here to stay.
Now what am I supposed to do, just let you go like that?
But I can’t because I’m stuck on somehow getting you back
I want you to feel the anguish I’ve retreated to
No matter what I would’ve never hurt you.
So I guess I’m stuck being hurt, a broken-hearted girl,
The thoughts of you in my minds, proceed to twirl,
The kisses, the smiles, and even when I cried,
You said that you would never hurt me….
APPARENTLY YOU LIED!
In the last week it seems to me that my life has gone back to normal. At least as normal as my life has every gotten in the last twenty years anyways. I still love Dustin and I know that truthfully that will never change. I finally did get to talk to him the other day. Me and him had to work at the same time. Anyways, I found out the real reasoning behind why he left the way that he did. That he wasn’t really trying to break up with me that he just couldn’t stand to be around my mom the way that she had been acting. I can’t really say that I blame him considering he isn’t the first person that she has acted this way too. I mean she expects way too much from everyone. But she expects more from her kids then strangers but even when it isn’t family she expects everyone to care what she thinks when the only reason most of her kids do is because they have to. I mean she is our mom after all. She did give us life. I’m not sure why she acts like that just that the worse my dad’s health gets the worse her outlook on life and attitude towards everyone gets. I’m pretty sure it will never change. Which is the main reason I want out of this house. I just can’t really afford it right now. Anyways, back to the whole Dustin thing when I talked to him the other day, he was all about getting back together. I told him I would have to see because after the whole thing with Justin made me decide me and him were better off as friends,Which I guess truthfully I knew before I agreed to go out with him but I just thought it would make his long standing crush on my go away. Which I’m still not sure that it has but I guess with that only time can tell, I just think life might be a little bit easier right now if I have friends and not a boyfriend. I don’t know I mean this kind of decision about taking a break from guys is what lead up to my relationship with Charles and it ended really badly. Which I don’t hate him I couldn’t. Like I said life is back to normal. This is my normal. Choas in life never knowing what decision to make then usually making the bad one. Anyways, thats the update for now.
Sorry for taking so long to update this but I’ve been working really odd hours at my job. Then when I get off I’m so tired all I want to really do is crash. Anyways, update on life. Me and Dustin broke up a couple of weeks ago. He was truthfully as I can see it now. Out for one thing and one thing only. Those kinds of guys irritate me but I thought I could see through them by now. But I guess I still can’t. I don’t even know anymore. Anyways, I started dating one of my best friends in the whole world. That I’ve known since I was like 4. Anyways, don’t know where it will go but decided it was worth a shot. You never do know where life might lead you. When one door closes another one opens. Anyways, a couple of days ago I totally went off on Dustin. (He had been staying here found a job and everything, We where trying to still be friends.) And I had to work 9am to 6pm. Well he was here when my mom left to go get me since we only have one car but by the time me and her got home he was gone. Come to find out he called someone from our neighbors house because we don’t have a house phone and he didn’t want us to be able to know who he called. I don’t know where he went and I’m not sure if he is even still in town. But when I go back to work on Wensday I’m sure I will find out because a lot of the managers know that he had been staying with me. Because we used the same phone number and address on our applications. Plus I think he had to work around the same time as me. Its not that I really care that he left I just don’t want him to get hurt or anything. I mean I still want to be friends with him I just don’t want to date him anymore. Anyways, that’s the update for now. Try not to take so long with the next one.
