So yesterday I was checking up on my friend Jon, who has been jail for the last two years since 6-26-07 for something everyone of his friends know he didn’t do. Well he went to court a couple of weeks ago but I had forgotten about it until yesterday well I searched for his court records like I had been for the last 6 or 7 months just to keep up with him and found out that he got sentenced on the 15th to 20 years. It definatly makes me hate the judical system of this country right now. Because how could he have done what they say he did if he was at job corps for a year and a half before he was arrested. I really do hope and pray that his lawyer appeals the decison because I hate to think of the fact that he could do that many years for something he wasn’t even around to do. Anyways, Caity was trying to call me all day yesterday and I kept missing the calls. She left me a message late last night after I was asleep telling me its really important. I just hope that Brad didn’t break up with her because I really can’t take another crying feast from her. I mean she’s my best friend and I hate to see her cry. Expecially over a guy. Anyways, I’m not sure what’s going on I guess I’ll figure that out when I call her back later after she gets off work. Other than that, my friend Justin hasn’t really talked to me much since he went to Job Corps but he’s not talking to me at all right now. Not since I was the person that made the discovery that his girlfriend is 5 weeks pregnant. I didn’t tell his dad and step-mom(aka my sister Rosie) but I showed my mom and she called my sister and showed it to her and I’m guessing that she showed his dad. But she also wrote him an e-mail asking why he didn’t just tell them all the truth in the first place. Anyways, that’s just about the only reason he could really be mad at me because I haven’t really talked to him much either. Anyways, this all happened last week sometime. I’m not sure if he’s coming home for summer break or not but if he does I can only imagine what he’ll have to say to me. It’s not like we haven’t been through a lot of stuff in the past years. I mean come on we’ve been friends since age 3, does he really think that I would do something to put are long running friendship in jeporady. Anyways, nothing else noteworthy happened yesterday. Suberbia just keeps getting boring-er and boring-er. Lol.
Sorry for not updating in over a month, but it seems like everytime I would try to blog about something, I just couldn’t think of anything. So I decided since I haven’t really been updating you guys like I was before that I would go ahead and at least say something even if it wasn’t much about the last month of my life. Basically I’ve been looking for a job, still am actually. Other than that just the usual drama with my friends. I really do wish that they would just learn to grow up because this is getting on my last nerve. That and the fact that I can no longer keep up when Dustin and Christina are together and when Dustin is with some girl named Kim who is roommates with this girl that I know named Jess who works at Burger King. He already has gotten in trouble for dating her because she’s underage and she’s in DHS custody and they pressed charges. I’m not entierly sure or not if he knows about the current warrent out for his arrest or not but if he doesn’t then he is going to be really mad when he does find out about it. Over the course of the last couple of weeks he has been lying to both Kim and Christina and semi dating them both. Then a couple of days ago he broke up with Christina and now she is mad at him and wants me to turn him into Brother Jump a guy who I go to church with who is a deputy sheriff. Anyways, I told her that I wouldn’t do it because sooner or later they are gonna find out where he is and even if I wanted to tell him I don’t really know where he is. I only know that he lives somewhere on the out skirts of town by Kaw Lake. But that’s very vegue. Anyways, on to Caity I don’t even try to keep up with who she is dating anymore because it’s become painfully obvious that her boyfriend’s change every other week. She is currently dating this guy named Brad that she met off myspace. I’ve tried to tell her that meeting guys off the internet is highly dangerous, but does she listen to me NO. I mean come on I’m supposed to be her best friend in the whole wide world. Anyways, she’s only been dating this guy for about 2 weeks and she’s already convinced that she’s so maddly in love with him, that they are meant to be together forever. Anyways, that’s about it about her other than the massive opinon’s she’s been giving me just about every day on ways to celebrate my 21st birthday. We all know it has to be HUGE because I mean come on you only turn 21 once. She’s driving down from Arkansas for the weekend to celerbrate. Jeremy and his girlfriend are going to try and make it down from Oklahoma City for that Saturday but he isn’t sure if he will have the gas and be able to get off work. This birthday celebration is really starting to make me hate that all my friends live in different towns then me. It’s not like I didn’t hate it before but it’s making things complicated. I guess even if it turns out just to be one of my best friends it will still be hecka fun in the end. Because me and her really do know how to party like rock stars when we want to. Anyways, on to Jeremy. He has actually been acting relativly normal. Which means that he doesn’t bring his drama to me. Because he hates it as much as me. That’s also why I love having guy friends because they aren’t like the girls they don’t care about the small stuff. It’s oh so much easier to hang with him and David then to hang with Christina and Caitlynne. But it’s harder with Christina mostly because of as previously stated she likes to start everything. She thinks drama is funny and not a major annoyance. She is 19 years old and she doesn’t act even 5. Why can’t she just learn to be a normal teenage girl? I’m not entierly sure why I still put up with her but it kind of has a lot to do with the massive amount of fun it is to just torture her. She makes it so easy, and it’s like she doesn’t even try to be a normal friend. I mean I guess normalcy is in the eye of the beholder and that I’m not all that for conforming and being who other people want you to be. But come on everyone secretly wants to be just a little bit normal. Even if its just in a few of there actions. I know that most of my friends who say that am one of those people that doesn’t care what other people think about her. And yes of course this is true is some ways but in a lot of other ways I do care. Even if its just a small amount. I didn’t used to but it seems like the older and wiser I get the more I seem to realize that it does matter what people think about you, at least first impression wise because some people aren’t like me and my friends they judge people by what kind of person they look like they might be. And while yes this is wrong in oh so many reason it’s not like you can really control what other people think or do. Anyways, another thing I have been doing over the course of the last month and a half is finding my love for God back. I didn’t really realize I had ever lost it until I found it again. I guess sometimes while I was at Job Corps I just stopped caring if God would like me doing this or not, and just started doing whatever I wanted without a second thought. Come to think of it this is probably why I tended to work my way into massive amounts of trouble with the staff and drama with my friends. And it would explain why a good part of the student body feared me. Mostly because I was so unpredicatable.I might be a super nice person one day and on my own bitch fest the next day. And believe me when I get in one of those kind of moods it best just to leave me be because you won’t like it if you don’t. I just don’t know what happened. But I am just going to say this calls for the good ol’ saying what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. Because in a lot of ways it has made me a much better person just for having figured out the problem and fixing it. Oh and one more thing before I go. It’s starting to get a little freaking but 90% of my friends are having kids or getting married or both in some cases. It’s beginning to make me wonder what is wrong with me even though I know that I’m just a late bloomer. I figured that one out a long time ago. Anyways, that’s it for now. Sorry for making this entry so incredibly long. I didn’t think I had anything to talk about but I guess I was wrong. I just had to start it off. Hopefully I will stop being so busy and will be able to update more often like I used to. Bye for now.
– Sasha <3
P.S. Oh, I almost forgot my sister, Rosie got married on June 3rd. Thought that one was never gonna happen. <3
Sorry for not updating for 2 weeks but I really do have a very good excuse. Like I told you in the last update with the massive complications dealing with going back to Job Corps I decided to go back to college. Well I really don’t want it to turn out like it did the last time with me not even making it through the first semester. It will help that this isn’t Vo-Tech it’s actual college this time so now immature high school students to deal with but still I’m not looking for it to be anything but stressful. Well other than that, my sister moved back to Oklahoma after spending 2 years in Missississpi because of her husband getting laid off from his job. Hope it all works out for them. I’m also really starting to worry about my friend Randy because he hasn’t written me back in a almost a week and he’s usually really good about that. The only reason I worry so much about him is because he’s stationed in Iraq right now and you never really know what could happen to him. Keeping him in my prays because that’s all I really can do. Oh yeah you guys don’t know about that. Since I started on my crusade to become the good-girl I once was I have found my love for God back. Not sure where it went really but it just kind of dispeared when I went to Job Corps. I mean don’t get me wrong I never actually stopped believing in him I just kind of stopped trusting that he would only throw stuff at me that I could handle. I’m must doing pretty well one the crusade because I’ve had repeative friends ask me if I was body-snatched with someone because I’m not the Sasha they once knew. And all I usually tell them is who ever said being a different person was such a bad thing. Considering where I was in my life two years ago I would have to say that being different person has gotten pretty far and I’m really glad that I finally got my wake up call that I didn’t want to be that kind of person forever. Because I’m pretty sure had I not gotten that wake up call I wouldn’t have had a real reason to stop being that kind of person because I had gotten so used to being said person that I had started to block out how bad it made me feel. Anyways I pretty sure my mom’s glad too because there sure is a whole lot less fighting and arguing going on in my house these days. Mostly because my sister trys to start them and I’ve learned that with her you just have to walk away because she won’t back down. Oh one thing I forgot to tell you about college is that I’m taking a 2 week course this summer at OSU-OKC starting May 18th so if I sort of disapear again my appoligys and I promise to update you as quickly as possible. Anyways, not much else is going on right now, expect that I’m dealing with way too many dogs right now because my dog Bambi had a litter of puppies yesterday. They’re so cute but I’m trying not to get attached because I know we can’t keep any of them because we are already over the city pet limit as it is. Anyways, update as soon as I can.
So I ended up waiting on Friday at the libabry waiting on the Job Corps woman until around 10:30 then I finally got her to call me back. She said something along the lines of she forgot to call me on Thursday to tell me that Guthrie isn’t taking Re-Admits right now because it’s just too full. So filling out the papers would just be a HUGE waste of time. Well she also went on to tell me that they have something like a six month waiting list to get in once they do start taking re-admits again. And that I could call on of the other Job Corps in Oklahoma if I wanted to. Well truthfully the closest one that is taking re-admits right now is in Talequah and that like 165 miles from here. So I got to looking around, and I found a way that I can get my CNA for free so that I can work and afford to pay for a semester of college til I can get my finacial aid back. I guess you could say that I really didn’t want to put my dreams of being a social worker on the back burner forever. Which I know that if I went back to job corps and took another trade in the end I wouldn’t ever go back to college and I wouldn’t ever live my dreams. It’s just not worth it. Anyways, Dustin has been constintly calling me for the last couple of days. I guess he never really got over me and the whole break up thing. Last night he asked me to go back out with him, well I told him that I would think about it and get back to him. Well the truth is I’m a very strong believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. I know in my heart that it wasn’t meant to be. Because if it was then we never would have broken up in the first place. It kind of goes the same way for the whole job corps thing. If I was supposed to happen then it would have. Anyways, that’s all for now.
So life has gotten a little bit more complicated for me..Dustin one of my recent ex’s has been trying to get me back. Now I have tried the whole explaining that I’m leaving in two weeks to go back to job corps and I don’t really want to be tied down to anyone back home. But he just pulls the whole well I’m going back in August when my year is up. It came down to me out right telling him that the main reason I broke up with him back in January was because he loved me more than I loved him. Because in truth I was in love with the idea of happily ever after not him. And that I am on this new found road of becoming the good girl that has been trapped inside me for all these years. He said that he was okay with just being friends but I know that in his heart he is just saying it’s better than nothing. Anyways, once that was over with and he was semi-okay with just being friends. My best friend Caity trys to set me up with my other best friend Jeremy. No don’t get me wrong I have had a thing for him since I’ve known him but Jer doesn’t like me like that. He has always had a thing for Caity and I’m fine with it. Then tonight she was proceeding to try and set me up with my good friend Dave. Now me and Dave tried to date once. It lasted a mear 3 days because it just got to awkward. We are way too much alike. Outgoing, Crazy, Random, Music Obsessed Individuals, stuck in suburbia. It makes mine and his friendship more of a brother sisterly thing. We both care cheer each other up no matter how bad the day has been and I have to say that I don’t think I would have survived Job corps the first time without him. Anyways, on to other news. I now have a new found appriciation for the good girl that has been hidden deep inside me for all these years. Back at the beginning of the year I told myself that I was going to make a five year plan to be a good person before 25. Well I can say that I have cut out the whole being revenge master with my bff caity. But like my mom said it’s gonna take a while before I’m totally back to good girl. And that I can’t do it for anyone but myself. And I’m not I’m just tired of being the bad girl. The one who is always in trouble for one thing or another. The one that everyone stays happy at because she is known as the revenge master of the group. And that if someone hurts one of my friends/family they better be prepared to mess with me too. Well I have warned all of my friends that I don’t plan on ever being that person again. And as far as I can see now, most of them are okay with it. Caity, Jer, and Dave are actually proud of me. Well actually Dave says he never knew that I had a bad side. And I told him that’s because he brings out that best in me. But I don’t know anymore. I’m working on the not cursing at people right now. Which is my hardest task because it has become a horrible habit over the last couple of years. But I’m getting better. Anyways, that’s it for now. Update more later.
So not much has really happened…Me and Justin broke up a couple of days after he left for job corps on the 10th…Not real sure what happened other than he wanted to date some welder chick there..No mind you that the welder’s at job corps are well known to be players even the few girls that are in the trade…and I can see it ending badly and him trying to get me back…But this time I decided that in truth I have to learn to pick my boyfriends better…and also that I don’t want to be attached to anything or anyone in Ponca because I want to be able to leave town and go back to job corps without having to have a constient reminder of my previous life and the many bad deeds that I have done. I mean of course my family will still know about them but my family is a little bit less likely to remind me of them every chance they get…I want to be able to make friends that don’t know about the way I acted when I was there the first time and I mean the thing with Justin is because he has known me my whole life he could tell them and remind me of the stupid stuff I pulled as a teenager that I know better than to repeat now. Anyways, I called the admissions woman for job corps and set up and interview to fill out papers at 10 am on the 3rd..I will keep you guys updated on it…Anyways, That’s all for now.
Sorry about not updating such a long time. I just havent really had much to blog about. Life in general has been pretty boring for me. I basically waiting out the last couple of weeks until I can put my application back in to go back to job corps. I did call the women a couple of weeks ago just to make sure that I actually could go back considering that I didn’t leave on the best of terms with the disiplinary people. And she said that everything she be ready to that she just can’t put my information back in as a reenrollment until the 27th. Which is the day after my one year. Oh, as I promised in the last blog to keep you guys updated on the whole me and justin thing. I will as promised. Basically I she know better than to post that kind of stuff on the internet because I guess he got bored one day and was reading my blog and saw his name meantioned and wanted to see what I had to say about him. Now it’s not like he didn’t know about my crush on him because he did just like I knew about his on me. It’s just like I said so complicated that we always thought that the complicatedness of it made it just not worth it. Well in the end we decided to give it a chance, see where it goes. Anyways, he left to go to job corps on tuesday. At the moment I can’t call him because as usual his cell phone is out of minutes. And he hasn’t been online since he got there. But I know how busy the first week can be so I’m not really suprised. This weekend he will probably get online. Plus he hasn’t even called his Dad and he usually does. If I get super worried about him I’ll call the office phone for dorm 26. Other than that it will be much easier once I’m on campus with him. Anyways other than that my bestie Caity went back to Arkansas today. And my other bestie Jermey went back to OKC. Caity was going to come down and live in OKC after she turned 18 in a couple of weeks but she got into college there, so she isn’t anymore. Now I don’t blame her and I’m really proud that she got into college. Jeremy on the other hand is really mad that she changed the plans. It doesn’t help that Jeremy has a huge crush on her and thought that by getting her in his hometown it would make it easier or something not really sure. He says its just because he wants the three muskateers back together for the first time in a year, but i don’t know. Anyways, that’s all for now.
As some of you may know. That is the few of you who have my myspace or myyearbook. I have finally made my decison about going back to job corps in April when my year is up. Believe me it was not something I was wanting to do. But in the end it came down too. How many second chances do people really get in life. And if this is something that I have to do in order for me finally to take control of my own life then its gonna have to be done. At one point I thought I had mr. right but then he turned out to be mr. oh so wrong, as has happened oh so many times before. I’m actually tired of this happening. I want my happily ever after and sooner rather than later.But then again I have also had an interesting turn of events in the last couple of days. Just as I was coming to the conculison that I really was going to go back. One of my best friends since forever desicded that he is going to go to job corps. Now mind you I hadn’t told anyone except my immediate family that I was even thinking about going back so I know that it doesn’t have anything to do with me. But it is intresting that this perticular friend is also the one that I have been crushing on since like 3rd grade. And I know he has been crushing on me for a while too. Just not so sure what either one of us is ready to do about it because of the whole complicatedness of mine and his families. You see his Dad has been with my older sister for 15 years since she was 18. Well this is actually how me and him became friends but also because his grandma and my mom were best friends until she died back in 2001 but thats a whole other story. Anyways, his half brothers are my nephews well of course as everyone including my mom and sister have told me there isn’t anything wrong with it if we were to date because we aren’t blood related we aren’t even related by marriage because his dad and my sister haven’t gotten around do doing that yet. Now while I do tell most everyone that he is just my best friend and nothing else. It’s totally not true. I don’t really know how to explain how I feel about him because it’s not something I have ever felt before. And also because in truth I don’t want to ruin another great friendship with a relationship because I have done that way too many times for my own likeing. Plus I also know from personal experience that I fall in love way too easy and way too fast. I don’t know. I guess this will just have to be one of those wait and see kind of things. Never know maybe we are meant to be. Everyone always says that you fall in love with your best friend and it lasts forever. Who knows what life really has in store for us. It’s all just a waiting game. Anyways just thought I would get this off my chest since I can’t sleep and all. Promise to keep you updated on the current love life situation and the current job corps going back in progress situation as it panes out.
