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Sorry for not updating in over a month, but it seems like everytime I would try to blog about something, I just couldn’t think of anything. So I decided since I haven’t really been updating you guys like I was before that I would go ahead and at least say something even if it wasn’t much about the last month of my life. Basically I’ve been looking for a job, still am actually. Other than that just the usual drama with my friends. I really do wish that they would just learn to grow up because this is getting on my last nerve. That and the fact that I can no longer keep up when Dustin and Christina are together and when Dustin is with some girl named Kim who is roommates with this girl that I know named Jess who works at Burger King. He already has gotten in trouble for dating her because she’s underage and she’s in DHS custody and they pressed charges. I’m not entierly sure or not if he knows about the current warrent out for his arrest or not but if he doesn’t then he is going to be really mad when he does find out about it. Over the course of the last couple of weeks he has been lying to both Kim and Christina and semi dating them both. Then a couple of days ago he broke up with Christina and now she is mad at him and wants me to turn him into Brother Jump a guy who I go to church with who is a deputy sheriff. Anyways, I told her that I wouldn’t do it because sooner or later they are gonna find out where he is and even if I wanted to tell him I don’t really know where he is. I only know that he lives somewhere on the out skirts of town by Kaw Lake. But that’s very vegue. Anyways, on to Caity I don’t even try to keep up with who she is dating anymore because it’s become painfully obvious that her boyfriend’s change every other week. She is currently dating this guy named Brad that she met off myspace. I’ve tried to tell her that meeting guys off the internet is highly dangerous, but does she listen to me NO. I mean come on I’m supposed to be her best friend in the whole wide world. Anyways, she’s only been dating this guy for about 2 weeks and she’s already convinced that she’s so maddly in love with him, that they are meant to be together forever. Anyways, that’s about it about her other than the massive opinon’s she’s been giving me just about every day on ways to celebrate my 21st birthday. We all know it has to be HUGE because I mean come on you only turn 21 once. She’s driving down from Arkansas for the weekend to celerbrate. Jeremy and his girlfriend are going to try and make it down from Oklahoma City for that Saturday but he isn’t sure if he will have the gas and be able to get off work. This birthday celebration is really starting to make me hate that all my friends live in different towns then me. It’s not like I didn’t hate it before but it’s making things complicated. I guess even if it turns out just to be one of my best friends it will still be hecka fun in the end. Because me and her really do know how to party like rock stars when we want to. Anyways, on to Jeremy. He has actually been acting relativly normal. Which means that he doesn’t bring his drama to me. Because he hates it as much as me. That’s also why I love having guy friends because they aren’t like the girls they don’t care about the small stuff. It’s oh so much easier to hang with him and David then to hang with Christina and Caitlynne. But it’s harder with Christina mostly because of as previously stated she likes to start everything. She thinks drama is funny and not a major annoyance. She is 19 years old and she doesn’t act even 5. Why can’t she just learn to be a normal teenage girl? I’m not entierly sure why I still put up with her but it kind of has a lot to do with the massive amount of fun it is to just torture her. She makes it so easy, and it’s like she doesn’t even try to be a normal friend. I mean I guess normalcy is in the eye of the beholder and that I’m not all that for conforming and being who other people want you to be. But come on everyone secretly wants to be just a little bit normal. Even if its just in a few of there actions. I know that most of my friends who say that am one of those people that doesn’t care what other people think about her. And yes of course this is true is some ways but in a lot of other ways I do care. Even if its just a small amount. I didn’t used to but it seems like the older and wiser I get the more I seem to realize that it does matter what people think about you, at least first impression wise because some people aren’t like me and my friends they judge people by what kind of person they look like they might be. And while yes this is wrong in oh so many reason it’s not like you can really control what other people think or do. Anyways, another thing I have been doing over the course of the last month and a half is finding my love for God back. I didn’t really realize I had ever lost it until I found it again. I guess sometimes while I was at Job Corps I just stopped caring if God would like me doing this or not, and just started doing whatever I wanted without a second thought. Come to think of it this is probably why I tended to work my way into massive amounts of trouble with the staff and drama with my friends. And it would explain why a good part of the student body feared me. Mostly because I was so unpredicatable.I might be a super nice person one day and on my own bitch fest the next day. And believe me when I get in one of those kind of moods it best just to leave me be because you won’t like it if you don’t. I just don’t know what happened. But I am just going to say this calls for the good ol’ saying what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. Because in a lot of ways it has made me a much better person just for having figured out the problem and fixing it. Oh and one more thing before I go. It’s starting to get a little freaking but 90% of my friends are having kids or getting married or both in some cases. It’s beginning to make me wonder what is wrong with me even though I know that I’m just a late bloomer. I figured that one out a long time ago. Anyways, that’s it for now. Sorry for making this entry so incredibly long. I didn’t think I had anything to talk about but I guess I was wrong. I just had to start it off. Hopefully I will stop being so busy and will be able to update more often like I used to. Bye for now.
– Sasha <3
P.S. Oh, I almost forgot my sister, Rosie got married on June 3rd. Thought that one was never gonna happen. <3
So life has gotten a little bit more complicated for me..Dustin one of my recent ex’s has been trying to get me back. Now I have tried the whole explaining that I’m leaving in two weeks to go back to job corps and I don’t really want to be tied down to anyone back home. But he just pulls the whole well I’m going back in August when my year is up. It came down to me out right telling him that the main reason I broke up with him back in January was because he loved me more than I loved him. Because in truth I was in love with the idea of happily ever after not him. And that I am on this new found road of becoming the good girl that has been trapped inside me for all these years. He said that he was okay with just being friends but I know that in his heart he is just saying it’s better than nothing. Anyways, once that was over with and he was semi-okay with just being friends. My best friend Caity trys to set me up with my other best friend Jeremy. No don’t get me wrong I have had a thing for him since I’ve known him but Jer doesn’t like me like that. He has always had a thing for Caity and I’m fine with it. Then tonight she was proceeding to try and set me up with my good friend Dave. Now me and Dave tried to date once. It lasted a mear 3 days because it just got to awkward. We are way too much alike. Outgoing, Crazy, Random, Music Obsessed Individuals, stuck in suburbia. It makes mine and his friendship more of a brother sisterly thing. We both care cheer each other up no matter how bad the day has been and I have to say that I don’t think I would have survived Job corps the first time without him. Anyways, on to other news. I now have a new found appriciation for the good girl that has been hidden deep inside me for all these years. Back at the beginning of the year I told myself that I was going to make a five year plan to be a good person before 25. Well I can say that I have cut out the whole being revenge master with my bff caity. But like my mom said it’s gonna take a while before I’m totally back to good girl. And that I can’t do it for anyone but myself. And I’m not I’m just tired of being the bad girl. The one who is always in trouble for one thing or another. The one that everyone stays happy at because she is known as the revenge master of the group. And that if someone hurts one of my friends/family they better be prepared to mess with me too. Well I have warned all of my friends that I don’t plan on ever being that person again. And as far as I can see now, most of them are okay with it. Caity, Jer, and Dave are actually proud of me. Well actually Dave says he never knew that I had a bad side. And I told him that’s because he brings out that best in me. But I don’t know anymore. I’m working on the not cursing at people right now. Which is my hardest task because it has become a horrible habit over the last couple of years. But I’m getting better. Anyways, that’s it for now. Update more later.
Sorry about not updating such a long time. I just havent really had much to blog about. Life in general has been pretty boring for me. I basically waiting out the last couple of weeks until I can put my application back in to go back to job corps. I did call the women a couple of weeks ago just to make sure that I actually could go back considering that I didn’t leave on the best of terms with the disiplinary people. And she said that everything she be ready to that she just can’t put my information back in as a reenrollment until the 27th. Which is the day after my one year. Oh, as I promised in the last blog to keep you guys updated on the whole me and justin thing. I will as promised. Basically I she know better than to post that kind of stuff on the internet because I guess he got bored one day and was reading my blog and saw his name meantioned and wanted to see what I had to say about him. Now it’s not like he didn’t know about my crush on him because he did just like I knew about his on me. It’s just like I said so complicated that we always thought that the complicatedness of it made it just not worth it. Well in the end we decided to give it a chance, see where it goes. Anyways, he left to go to job corps on tuesday. At the moment I can’t call him because as usual his cell phone is out of minutes. And he hasn’t been online since he got there. But I know how busy the first week can be so I’m not really suprised. This weekend he will probably get online. Plus he hasn’t even called his Dad and he usually does. If I get super worried about him I’ll call the office phone for dorm 26. Other than that it will be much easier once I’m on campus with him. Anyways other than that my bestie Caity went back to Arkansas today. And my other bestie Jermey went back to OKC. Caity was going to come down and live in OKC after she turned 18 in a couple of weeks but she got into college there, so she isn’t anymore. Now I don’t blame her and I’m really proud that she got into college. Jeremy on the other hand is really mad that she changed the plans. It doesn’t help that Jeremy has a huge crush on her and thought that by getting her in his hometown it would make it easier or something not really sure. He says its just because he wants the three muskateers back together for the first time in a year, but i don’t know. Anyways, that’s all for now.
So while me and Dustin have been happy for the last 3 1/2 weeks it’s like all around us everything else is falling apart. My best friends finacee’ was shipped out to Iraq two weeks early. This weekend she was supposed to take a flight to Wisconsin to see him one last time before he left. But a couple days ago they decided to move his date up to the 4th so she didn’t even get to see him. That’s got her trying to drink away the sorrow of possibly losing one of the few people who actually care about her. Its even made her change her mind about her decision to enlist in March when she turns 18. She said she doesn’t want her kids to have to deal with two parents in the army and possibly dying when one would be hard enough on them. Then most of our friends have decided that mine and his happiness doesn’t matter as much as we think it does. We have gotten over this and a few of our friends have to. But his pshyco stalker ex won’t leave me alone she even changed her number after I blocked her so she could harass me some more. Plus having my ever nagging mother at both of us. Mostly I think because she is still remembering the Chris P. Catastophe of November 07 and the whole mess with Charles at the beginning of the year. She just doesn’t seem to understand that I have learned from my past mistakes and that I’m not gonna continue to make them for the rest of my life. Oh, but on a much better note, I guess, my older brother Donald goes up for parole in March so he might actually be out in time for my 21st birthday. It was in jail for my 20th and in another state for my 19th. So it kind of would mean a lot to me. Plus I just hope that this time he is telling the truth when he says that he has changed. Anyways, that sums it up for now.
Weekends at my house tend to be very boring. I’ve spent that last couple of days watching the 24/7 feed of big brother 10. By time yesterday was over I knew more about it then what most people do that just watch the show on CBS 3 times a week. But it’s only because the show only has 1 live episode a week and it’s when the they evict someone on Thursdays…Plus the whole episode that day isn’t live just the eviction…So if you watch big brother after dark on showtime or the 24/7 feed you can find out who is up for eviction and who has won the power-of-veto a couple of days before you would on CBS..Anyways, last night when I started to write my paper for class is seems like ever person who has my phone number decided to call me. First Caity called and when I finally got her off the phone a good 20 or 30 minutes later, Jeremy decided to call and get his weekly update on how my life is going for me, then he said he was gonna let me go so he could talk to his girlfriend before they called curfew and then Christina calls and talks for 30 to 45 minutes about my brother calling her. And then just when I finally think I will get to finish my paper my old roommate Kayla calls and wants me to go hang out with her at the lake. I explained to her I had a paper due on Monday and that I also really wasn’t in the mood to hang out at the lake. One of the main reasons being that I got my wallet stolen yesterday, and I had a major melt down. It’s not that there was a lot of money in it or anything, it’s just now I have to get a new drivers liesense, ssn card, insurance card and voter registration card. Plus I have to explain to the school tommorrow that I can only show them a copy of my id to pick up my books because of it getting stolen and not being able to replace of said stuff until next week or later because it depends on how long it takes me to find my birth certificate or if I have to take a trip down to OKC to pick up another on. It’s more annoying then anything, because the truth is no one wants my credit anyways. I defalted on a credit card when I was 18 which makes me have uberly bad credit in most peoples eyes. Anyways, that’s the update for now.
So, I start school in a couple of days and I’ve yet to find another job. On a brighter note, I got a suprising phone call a couple of days ago from Robin, one of my good friends from job corps. I hadn’t talked to her in a long time and I found out why. She left job corps a couple of months ago and until a couple days ago she had lost my phone number. But she said that she found it when she finally unpacked the rest of her stuff from when she left job corps. She only lives about 20 or 30 miles from me, which I knew but she said she’s tired of living with her mom but that she’s just like me and can’t really afford to move out. She asked me if I wanted to save money up and rent an apartment with her because it would be easier for both of us if we only had to spilt the bills. Plus she wants to go to the college her in Ponca but she can’t afford to drive back and forth everyday. I told that it sounded like a good idea, because ever since I had my miscarrige my mom treats me different. I’m not sure why she just does. It’s weird but everything has been changing more over the last couple of weeks then it did the entire year i was at job corps. Me and Caity were best friends when I left job corps back in March but every since I told her mom about what she had been planning she just kind of stopped acting like me and her are best friends. I knew when I told her mom that she was gonna be mad for a little bit but I thought she would get over it eventually. I guess she still might it just changed things I guess. Jeremy finally got a girlfriend and lost his major crush on Caity, not saying this change is bad, actually it’s a good thing because I’ve been working on getting him to lose it for months. Hardly ever even talk to Danielle and Cowboy, it’s probably because they’re so busy with work and everything. Me and Robin are better friends now then we were at job corps. I mean when she first got there we were really good friends, then she dated Chris and it changed everything, because it got me to thinking, what kind of a friend would date your ex-boyfriend and not even tell you. She promised me she would never date any of my ex’s and it just kinda hurt to have her break a promise to me. It actually hurt more then the fact that I wasn’t exactly over Chris at the time that she dated him. What’s wierd is now that both of us are soo over him. He’s the one inside joke me and her have that none of our other friends would ever understand. Me and her are the only two girl’s at job corps who understand because in order to understand it you would have to have dated Chris P. It’s wierd that the one thing that almost cost us our friendship is the one thing we laugh about the most now. Anyways, that’s the update for now.
Sorry about not updating..but with school fixing to start I have been really busy. I also have to find another job because Sykes didn’t want to work around the fact that in less then 2 weeks I go back to school, WHICH means I have to go part-time. I guess it made them made. To make a very long story short, they pointed me out even though I hadn’t missed any days. So, looking for another job has added more onto the normal busyness that I would have right before school started. Anyways, Caity has it stuck in her head that her mom is going to sign the papers so that she can join the army in 4 months which would be about 3 months before she turns 18, which me knowing how her mom is, she may say that she will now but in four months it is SO not going to happen, she is just saying what she thinks Caity wants to hear, in order for her to be quite about her making her go back to school in college. Anyways, my mom and me went clothes shopping yesterday and ended up spending roughly $300. Not saying we don’t shop a lot but I totally think we went way over board. She’s just uber excited because I’m one of the few people in my family to actually go to college. I guess it’s kind of suprising in a way, that is if you don’t know much about how the people in my family work. Anyways, this the update for now. I’ll try and update more often…
Ok, so it’s not technically my computer. I’m renting it from this rent-to-own place and in the end it’s gonna cost me something around $2000 and YES that’s a lot compared to the $800 that I spent on the last one but..the problem is it was either this, go without a computer for a long time or buy a desktop for $300 which is over half of what I make on ONE paycheck…Well the way I look at it I can afford it more this way because when I called my computer repair guy he told me it would cost around $400 to replace the screen in my monitor, and according to what he said the reason that it did what it did was because the liquid in the LCD screen started separting. He said he’s seen it happen before in a lot of the cheaper computers, but that more of the top-of-the-line ones don’t do it. Anyways, Caity’s finally over the whole me telling her mom about her plan to runaway. Of course it might have to do with the fact that she just found out that the student government for all of the job corps around the nation are going to this big thing in Washington D.C and that they have a flight at 6 am. She’s not only excited because it’s one of the few places in the country that she hasn’t been to but also because one of our good friends is in student government in guthrie and since all of them are gonna be there she will get to see her for the first time since she left job corps something like 3 1/2 months ago. But still even though she swears she’s the same old Caity I have this weird feeling that she has something planned and that she had planned on her mom sending her back right in time for the annual student government trip to D.C. Considering that her dad lives something like 200 miles from there and that if she was hiding out with daddy then that would be the last place her mom would ever think to look for her and she could just spend the next 7 months there and then her mom wouldn’t be able to make her come back even if she was to find out where she was. Dang, maybe my mom is right, I am really starting to think that I do worry about other people in my life just a little bit to much anymore. My mom seems to think it’s because since I lost the baby worrying about other people makes it easier for me to make it through the day, and some days I think that she’s probably right. Because when my sister was in the hospital a couple of days ago I really did start to freak and then after a couple of days it turned out that she was just fine and they sent her home. I’m not really sure why I do it I just know that that’s my thing these days. Worrying about other people to keep my own sanity that is. But then somedays I don’t think I’m sane. Losing the baby has really made me rethink everything in life. I mean when I was filling out my last few papers for school in the days right after the miscarriage I thought about changing my mind about what I was taking a good 10 or 20 times. Then yesterday I had to go and get my schedule for classes and clinicals and I found out that my first routation of clinicals is in the matarity ward at the local hospital and I just don’t know if I will be able to handle 3 months around newborns and also at this hospital here they also have the peds ward on the same floor so pretty much you work with every age of child from newborn to 17. I mean I could get it changed if I really wanted to but then again I do love the thought of helping all the kids, I mean that is the main reason I have always wanted to go into the medical field was to work with kids and now I get my chance and I am rethinking it. What is wrong with me, and will I ever be normal again. But anyways that’s my thoughts and the update for now.
So, Caity took a plane back to Cali yesterday. I’m not sure what she is gonna do but knowing her it will probably have something to do with running away from treasure island job corps. I mean it wouldn’t be as hard as running away from guthrie because san fransisco is an open campus and they can pretty much come and go as you please. Guthrie on the other hand unless your 21 and over or have what’s called a platinum card then you can’t leave unless you get permission from about 12 people except for what’s called weekend pass which basically means what it is called. It gives you the weekend off campus but you have to know the address of where you are going to be and the person you are staying with. It’s a lot easier for a person over 18 to get a weekend pass because as long as you have it in by Tuesday and aren’t on any kind of restriction then they will approve it but if your a minor they have to call your parents and get there permisson for you to go there and you have to know who is driving the car so that they can tell your parents and get the a-okay from them. Personally I was always glad that I was 18 when I first got there because I never had to deal with the problems of that. But I do have a lot of friends who weren’t adults and a couple of them have gotten weekend passes to come to my house and its’ pretty difficult. Anyways, the reason her mom made her go back to cali was because she thought it would be good for her but I can definatly tell you she isn’t going to stay there and even if she does make it until march when she turns 18 she won’t stay after that and her mom won’t be able to make her. Anyways, on another note my laptop decided to me weird today and went off by itself and then when I finally did get it to come back on there is this weird thing on the screen that won’t go away. I’m gonna end up taking it back to the shop, what totally bits is I just spent 200 dollars getting the hard-drive fixed a couple of weeks ago. If this costs a lot I will end up just getting another computer and not using my other one. Anyways, that’s the update and rant for now.
