Confused in Suberbia

Sorry for not updating in over a month, but it seems like everytime I would try to blog about something, I just couldn’t think of anything. So I decided since I haven’t really been updating you guys like I was before that I would go ahead and at least say something even if it wasn’t much about the last month of my life. Basically I’ve been looking for a job, still am actually. Other than that just the usual drama with my friends. I really do wish that they would just learn to grow up because this is getting on my last nerve. That and the fact that I can no longer keep up when  Dustin and Christina are together and when Dustin is with some girl named Kim who is roommates with this girl that I know named Jess who works at Burger King. He already has gotten in trouble for dating her because she’s underage and she’s in DHS custody and they pressed charges. I’m not entierly sure or not if he knows about the current warrent out for his arrest or not but if he doesn’t then he is going to be really mad when he does find out about it. Over the course of the last couple of weeks he has been lying to both Kim and Christina and semi dating them both. Then a couple of days ago he broke up with Christina and now she is mad at him and wants me to turn him into Brother Jump a guy who I go to church with who is a deputy sheriff. Anyways, I told her that I wouldn’t do it because sooner or later they are gonna find out where he is and even if I wanted to tell him I don’t really know where he is. I only know that he lives somewhere on the out skirts of town by Kaw Lake. But that’s very vegue. Anyways, on to Caity I don’t even try to keep up with who she is dating anymore because it’s become painfully obvious that her boyfriend’s change every other week. She is currently dating this guy named Brad that she met off myspace. I’ve tried to tell her that meeting guys off the internet is highly dangerous, but does she listen to me NO. I mean come on I’m supposed to be her best friend in the whole wide world. Anyways, she’s only been dating this guy for about 2 weeks and she’s already convinced that she’s so maddly in love with him, that they are meant to be together forever. Anyways, that’s about it about her other than the massive opinon’s she’s been giving me just about every day on ways to celebrate my 21st birthday. We all know it has to be HUGE because I mean come on you only turn 21 once. She’s driving down from Arkansas for the weekend to celerbrate. Jeremy and his girlfriend are going to try and make it down from Oklahoma City for that Saturday but he isn’t sure if he will have the gas and be able to get off work. This birthday celebration is really starting to make me hate that all my friends live in different towns then me. It’s not like I didn’t hate it before but it’s making things complicated. I guess even if it turns out just to be one of my best friends it will still be hecka fun in the end. Because me and her really do know how to party like rock stars when we want to. Anyways, on to Jeremy. He has actually been acting relativly normal. Which means that he doesn’t bring his drama to me. Because he hates it as much as me. That’s also why I love having guy friends because they aren’t like the girls they don’t care about the small stuff. It’s oh so much easier to hang with him and David then to hang with Christina and Caitlynne. But it’s harder with Christina mostly because of as previously stated she likes to start everything. She thinks drama is funny and not a major annoyance. She is 19 years old and she doesn’t act even 5. Why can’t she just learn to be a normal teenage girl? I’m not entierly sure why I still put up with her but it kind of has a lot to do with the massive amount of fun it is to just torture her. She makes it so easy, and it’s like she doesn’t even try to be a normal friend. I mean I guess normalcy is in the eye of the beholder and that I’m not all that for conforming and being who other people want you to be. But come on everyone secretly wants to be just a little bit normal. Even if its just in a few of there actions. I know that most of my friends who say that am one of those people that doesn’t care what other people think about her. And yes of course this is true is some ways but in a lot of other ways I do care. Even if its just a small amount. I didn’t used to but it seems like the older and wiser I get the more I seem to realize that it does matter what people think about you, at least first impression wise because some people aren’t like me and my friends they judge people by what kind of person they look like they might be. And while yes this is wrong in oh so many reason it’s not like you can really control what other people think or do. Anyways, another thing I have been doing over the course of the last month and a half is finding my love for God back. I didn’t really realize I had ever lost it until I found it again. I guess sometimes while I was at Job Corps I just stopped caring if God would like me doing this or not, and just started doing whatever I wanted without a second thought. Come to think of it this is probably why I tended to work my way into massive amounts of trouble with the staff and drama with my friends. And it would explain why a good part of the student body feared me. Mostly because I was so unpredicatable.I might be a super nice person one day and on my own bitch fest the next day. And believe me when I get in one of those kind of moods it best just to leave me be because you won’t like it if you don’t. I just don’t know what happened. But I am just going to say this calls for the good ol’ saying what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. Because in a lot of ways it has made me a much better person just for having figured out the problem and fixing it. Oh and one more thing before I go. It’s starting to get a little freaking but 90% of my friends are having kids or getting married or both in some cases. It’s beginning to make me wonder what is wrong with me even though I know that I’m just a late bloomer. I figured that one out a long time ago. Anyways, that’s it for now. Sorry for making this entry so incredibly long. I didn’t think I had anything to talk about but I guess I was wrong. I just had to start it off. Hopefully I will stop being so busy and will be able to update more often like I used to. Bye for now.

– Sasha <3

P.S. Oh, I almost forgot my sister, Rosie got married on June 3rd. Thought that one was never gonna happen. <3